I’m tired because I don’t know if he still likes me.
A part of me is scared that he’ll come around and treat me like we never had
anything special. This is what’s tiring with the kind of relationship we have. I’m
always wondering what tomorrow’s going to be. I won’t know if he still cares.. I
won’t know if he’s slowly going away.. I’ll only know once he makes the first move
and that’s what hinders me from showing my true emotions. Each time he comes
near, I brace myself for the worse, and when it does not happen, I exhale all the
butterflies I have in my stomach.
For 4 years, I surrounded myself with a protective layer that no one has ever
barged in…until he came along.
Who would’ve thought that the very man I protected myself from is the man
who’s going to tear my defenses down?
If there’s one word that could describe what we have…it’s FEAR.
I’m too scared to lose him,but he doesn’t feel the same way.
Sometimes, I wish I’d wake up not loving him anymore.
If there’s a pill there somewhere that could eliminate one’s thoughts for
someone, I’d be the first one to buy it.
Why? Because it’s not fair, but then again, love wasn’t meant to be fair.
And loving him was a choice I made.
I chose to be his second— hold on.
I may not even be second in his priority list–
I’m the last one there..lower caps (not even capitalized) but at least, in
He may not be even thinking of me; I may not even cross his mind.
He didn’t even try to make me see him; he left without letting me know he’s
Yet despite all these,why am I staying?
I don’t know! I just couldn’t seem to let him go.
And it sucks..big time.
Okay great. He’s still not here. He’s been away from school for days now and I like it. Like I.like.it. He still creeps into my mind somehow, but the rejection you know? It’s like diving into my very core. He’s like this iced coffee latte adults buy before going to work. The first few sips are like heaven, but you don’t drink everything because of the tidbits at the bottom.
He’s like that: He’d come in to the room, showing signs of affection to me, smiling, cracking jokes, giving me his I-know-I-look-handsome-today face
and later on or tomorrow (if I get lucky , he’d be sweet until school day ends) he suddenly becomes cold. Of course! If you guys were all cuddly wuddly the day prior, you would still be cuddly wuddly the next, won’t you?
Well, sistah, let me tell you this right now, that’s not how our relationship goes.
I make the move, giving him a special note or something and he does not react the way I was expecting him to. What happens? I look at down on the ground, dumb-founded, wearing my what-the-hell-happened-again face.
See? It’s the same as that yummy loving energizer ice cold latte that when gets warm, the hidden coffeebean tidbits starts emerging from the bottom!!!
Can you feel the intensity from my tone of voice? Well literally I’m talking in your head, so make sure I sound hysterical and annoyed.
Anyway, have I mentioned I’m the girl in this story? If you haven’t figured that out, well I am. So this is my crazy relationship with my bestfriend turned “lover” Todd.
And they say women are hard to read? Pft.
SNEAK PEAK for Kayla’s Journal – Chapter One
Okay, so my name is Victoria– Tory for short.
No, if you imagine me as nerdy looking that authors usually visualize for girls who writes notes in their diary, well then scratch that thing outta your head because….