Her Smile

 

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That dazzling smile captivates hearts
with teeth porcelain white
Oh! By looking at it I could die
One day came, your smile died
I looked at your eyes
Darling, you cried
Those porcelain white hidden from view
Who did this to you?
With your shaking fingertips
you cover your quivering lips
I felt the pain of the lady who smiles
her heart shattering inside
and I couldn’t help but ask why
of all the people why take her smile?

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Cup of Tea


When the love that you once had, now only serves as a painful memory;

a history;

a bygone;

but you’re there stuck on the same page

same spot;

reliving the past;

even if it hurts a lot

because that’s all you got.

***originally posted in my IG account. (ccljnpoetry)

It doesn’t hurt

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It doesn’t hurt anymore
but each night I lock my door
I cry on my own
Tears stream down my face
wanting you to stay
No, it doesn’t hurt anymore
my heart’s bleeding to its core
I’m faking a smile
pretending all this time
Let me say it again,
It doesn’t hurt anymore
even when it does
cause I’m left here
crying on my own

Kiss

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“I don’t know how to say this…”
“You’re saying goodbye.” She finished for him, and he looked at her, surprised.
“When we kissed..” she paused, exhaling a heavy breath, numb from feeling any kind of pain. “..that gave you away. I felt it. I knew it.”

 

-Originally posted in my IG account (princesscillejean)

Love is…

Capture

“You’re driving me crazy! Sometimes you care for me and sometimes you don’t. More often than not, you push me away, and once I’m at the point of letting go, you pull me back into your arms, make me feel safe, and push me again.I am exhausted, tired and beat.” Her hands was up in the air out of frustration and pent up anger. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know whether I should stay or not.” Her voice cracked, tears welling up her eyes. “But you know what? I love you anyway. And I guess..” She paused, staring straight into his eyes. “I’m still going to stay, because I love you, even if you’re a jerk.”

 

-Originally posted in my IG account (princesscillejean)

One Summer- Part 2: Him

 

It was the worst summer. I went to California to be away from everyone dear in my life, and unexpectedly, I found love instead. It was raining and I was on my way home when I saw a pretty woman sitting on a bench at the bus stop. It’s nearing midnight. How stupid can one be, waiting for a bus that late? Every part of my being screamed not to approach her, but I did anyway. Oh Damn! She wasn’t just pretty. She was gorgeous. Her hair was loose and I couldn’t see the color of her hair since the surroundings was dim, but I’m sure it was close to auburn. She has dimples on her cheeks and looked like an angel. Dear God. I should go away. “Why don’t we share my umbrella and walk you home?” Stupid egoistic moron. “Being the gentleman that I am, I could not afford to leave a woman unattended this late at night with thieves and bad people up and about. Why, madame, you just found yourself a knight in shining armor.”
I almost lost myself with her beautiful smile and it started from there.
We went on dates for days; I pick her up, bring her roses and daffodils, gives her random kisses while walking…

and suddenly..
and suddenly, I had to leave.

I couldn’t bear the thought of saying goodbye.
I left with no explanations.
No signs.
No anything.

I tried to forget her.
I wish I didn’t have to do it.
I wish I saw her with another man laughing across the streets or she could walk up to me and tell me she has a boyfriend.

Leaving would’ve been easier.

But with every fiber of my being, I’ve loved her and will continue doing so until the last seconds of my life.

And the worst summer turned out to be the best.
I went to California to die in peace knowing I only have few days left with my blood being poisoned from my sickness, and unexpectedly, I found love instead.

 

One Summer- Part 1: Her

Here’s the link 🙂

https://cesrandomthoughts.wordpress.com/2017/11/11/one-summer-part-1-her/

 

 

One Summer : Part 1- Her

 

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It was the best summer I’ve ever had. I went to California to look for a job, and unexpectedly, I found love instead. It was raining and I forgot my umbrella. I was there at the bus stop when he came over and informed me that no buses pass by at that time of hour. I told him I was waiting for the rain to stop. Instead of leaving, he offered to share his umbrella and gave a cheeky remark. “Being the gentleman that I am, I could not afford to leave a woman unattended this late at night with thieves and bad people up and about. Why, madame, you just found yourself a knight in shining armor.”
I almost lost myself with that British accent of his and it started from there.
We went on dates for days; he picks me up at my pad, brings me roses and daffodils everyday, randomly gives a kiss while walking..

 
and suddenly…
and suddenly he was gone.

 

No explanations. No signs. No anything.

He forgot about me.
An amnesia incident would’ve sufficed. He could’ve lied and pretended that he got into an accident and could not remember.
He could even walk straight up to me and tell me he loves someone else, but no..

He chose to leave without saying anything.

And the best summer, turned out to be the worst.
I went to California to find a job and unexpectedly, I got my heart broken instead.

 

Sneak Peak for One Summer : Part 2- Him

It was the worst summer. I went to California to be away from everyone dear in my life, and unexpectedly, I found love instead. It was raining and I was on my way home when I saw a pretty woman….

 

***Kudos to my bestfriend, Jazz Carretas for the title. 🙂

Tory’s Journal- Prologue

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6/04/17

I’m tired because I don’t know if he still likes me.
A part of me is scared that he’ll come around and treat me like we never had
anything special. This is what’s tiring with the kind of relationship we have. I’m
always wondering what tomorrow’s going to be. I won’t know if he still cares.. I
won’t know if he’s slowly going away.. I’ll only know once he makes the first move
and that’s what hinders me from showing my true emotions. Each time he comes
near, I brace myself for the worse, and when it does not happen, I exhale all the
butterflies I have in my stomach.

For 4 years, I surrounded myself with a protective layer that no one has ever
barged in…until he came along.
Who would’ve thought that the very man I protected myself from is the man
who’s going to tear my defenses down?
If there’s one word that could describe what we have…it’s FEAR.
I’m too scared to lose him,but he doesn’t feel the same way.
Sometimes, I wish I’d wake up not loving him anymore.
If there’s a pill there somewhere that could eliminate one’s thoughts for
someone, I’d be the first one to buy it.
Why? Because it’s not fair, but then again, love wasn’t meant to be fair.
And loving him was a choice I made.

I chose to be his second— hold on.
I may not even be second in his priority list–
I’m the last one there..lower caps (not even capitalized) but at least, in
bold

…but last.

He may not be even thinking of me; I may not even cross his mind.
He didn’t even try to make me see him; he left without letting me know he’s
been here.
Yet despite all these,why am I staying?
I don’t know! I just couldn’t seem to let him go.
And it sucks..big time.

6/05/17

Okay great. He’s still not here. He’s been away from school for days now and I like it. Like I.like.it. He still creeps into my mind somehow, but the rejection you know? It’s like diving into my very core. He’s like this iced coffee latte adults buy before going to work. The first few sips are like heaven, but you don’t drink everything because of the tidbits at the bottom.
He’s like that: He’d come in to the room, showing signs of affection to me, smiling, cracking jokes, giving me his I-know-I-look-handsome-today face
and later on or tomorrow (if I get lucky , he’d be  sweet until school day ends) he suddenly becomes cold. Of course! If you guys were all cuddly wuddly the day prior, you would still be cuddly wuddly the next, won’t you?
Well, sistah, let me tell you this right now, that’s not how our relationship goes.
I make the move, giving him a special note or something and he does not react the way I was expecting him to. What happens? I look at down on the ground, dumb-founded, wearing my what-the-hell-happened-again face.
See? It’s the same as that yummy loving energizer ice cold latte that when gets warm, the hidden coffeebean tidbits starts emerging from the bottom!!!

Can you feel the intensity from my tone of voice? Well literally I’m talking in your head, so make sure I sound hysterical and annoyed.

Anyway, have I mentioned I’m the girl in this story? If you haven’t figured that out, well I am. So this is my crazy relationship with my bestfriend turned “lover” Todd.

And they say women are hard to read? Pft.

 

SNEAK PEAK for Kayla’s Journal – Chapter One

6/06/17

Okay, so my name is Victoria– Tory for short.
No, if you imagine me as nerdy looking that authors usually visualize for girls who writes notes in their diary, well then scratch that thing outta your head because….

Once my soul collides yours

“All I want to do is gaze unto your eyes, cup your face in my hands and smile. No words; just us both diving deep into each others souls, feeling the connection, trying to understand what we don’t. With you I don’t have to say anything more

….because everything will be answered once my soul collides yours.”

the-twin-flame

Wishful Thinking

“I didn’t realize I fell asleep and for a moment I thought you were with me.
Still half-asleep and half-awake, I heard someone clear his throat. I wasn’t thinking of you then, but for a moment, you crept unto my mind and I thought we were in a hotel room and you’ve finally come home. Just as I jumped out of the couch eager to hug you, there was no one else in the room but me and my wishful thinking…”

30 Minutes

 

5 minutes
We walked all the way
A smile was pasted on my face
I peeked and looked at you
You were smiling too
10 minutes
We went down to eat
I smiled like a little kid
Chattered all the way like I never did
It was such a feat
15 minutes
We were done
talked like there’s no one
You were sad, so I gave you a hug
You smiled and laughed nonstop
20 minutes
I was like a cat
Being clingy and all that
I missed our talks, yes I did
For a while I felt like a kid
30minutes
Our time is up
We have to go back
But I smiled because you did too
and just to myself
I whispered, “I love you”

Mr. Cockroach

Mr. Cockroach came into her life

when another man wanted her to be his wife

Everyday he makes her smile
He has the smoothest style
Everyday he calls her pretty
Makes her feel like he’s her baby

The hours turned into days
And days into months
Small talks to be done in many ways
And he slowly became her man

Mr. Cockroach, he used to be just dirt
He asked her what made her this hurt
She said men play with women like a game
And so men deserves to be called a bane

He said not all are like that
She  said, “I don’t know, maybe somewhat.”
She said men don’t deserve a higher praise
because they hurt women; all fun and games

Mr. Cockroach proved her wrong
And now they’re in this crazy love song
She wanted Mr. Cockroach but he’s owned by another
The woman he wanted to be his forever

She  said, “Mr. Cockroach, Iloveyou goodbye”
As tears prickled her eyes
He said, “Ms. Cockroach, maybe in another life.”
And they both didn’t want to cry

Count one to ten

one, two, three
There’s you and me
We’re not yet free
We cannot be

four, five, six
Together is bliss
Everyday it’s you I miss
So I give you a kiss

seven, eight, nine
We have but limited time
But I am in your life
And you in mine

The last number is ten
but don’t say it yet
Stop until nine
and let’s count again

Excerpt in a bottle #2

“How could you say those things?” Her voice cracked. “Loving you is killing me, but I loved you anyway. I thought you’re different. I thought..” she lifted her head trying to stop her tears from falling. Her heart breaking with every word. Their memories haunting her mind like everything just happened yesterday. Was it just her? Was she the only one? All along, was it just her holding him? “I thought you’re different. I thought you could tell them you’re with me because you wanted to, but no. You told them you stayed because I can’t let you go. Is it so hard to tell them you do or was I just stupid enough to make myself believe that when all along it was just me?”

Stolen Kisses

 

Hundred stolen kisses today
Done in so many ways
A rendezvous of affection
Was set into motion

Standing up
Sitting down
Pulling me close
Oh! Just a little doze

A quick stolen smack
‘Twas one heck of a trap
You opened up first
How it quenched my thirst

My arms were all over your hair
As you quickly kissed my neck
A tight hug we both shared
As we paused to gasp for air

The next kisses were a blur
A rapid succession of trysts
Succeeding secret bliss
Of a wonderful stolen kiss

Adios Mi Amore

***A poem for my friend whose heart is currently in pain.

Adios mi amore

You have someone new
My heart is sore
From crying over you

Million sad songs
Won’t help me through
I let you go
Now you have someone new

Can I have you back?
I want you back
Alas! Mi amore
You no longer want to

I’ll love you from afar
And cry in the dark
Adios mi amore
My love is with you forevermore

Confused

Not feeling any pain

Confused once again
Why do you linger in my mind?
Why am I longing for your time?

I don’t cry like I used to
I don’t think I still love you

Do I miss our memories
or am I in denial?
Do I miss the feeling of bliss
or is this a trial?

If I still love you
Why do I want to say no?
If I don’t love you
Why don’t I want you to let me go?

Is this defense because you pushed me away
Or it’s only my mind who wants to stay?
Is my heart finally done and over you
Or is it protecting itself from feeling blue?

Haven’t shed a tear since days ago
but why do I miss you so?
I don’t feel any pain– none at all
Yet why am I hoping for a call?

Excerpt in a bottle #1

“I never understood why people let the ones they love go. I always thought that if you love someone, you should be willing to fight, but no one ever explained that you let them go not because you want to, but because you’re tired from fighting. It’s because you’ve given your all but it wasn’t enough and you’ve used up all your energy fighting for someone who doesn’t want you in their life—temporarily or not.” She looked down, sighed and faced him once again placing his hand atop his. “And that’s why I’m letting you go.” He gripped her hand and knew he’s torn, but she knew it was over— he didn’t have to say anything. Oh, how she wanted him to pull her unto his arms and tell her not to stop, but she was done wishing. He wasn’t caging her; she was caging herself with his shadow. She looked deep unto his eyes and smiled. “I’ll be okay.” And she knew she will be. She stood up and smiled, “You will be too. Always take care of yourself.” And then she left without looking back, but this time, her eyes are dry and her heart intact. She still loves him, but she now loves herself more.

P.S Thank You

When I needed someone to talk to,

you were there.
When I was in the verge of crying,
you showed me you care.
When I needed a hand to hold on to,
you gave me yours.
When I felt like giving up,
you said I can soar.

No words could measure
how thankful I am that I have you.
Maybe not officially, but still I do
because even if you don’t,
I do love you
And I’m going to say that again and again
even when I know sometime soon
this has to end.

Don’t go just yet; please stay.
For a while, let’s do it my way.

Let me enjoy what we have now
and make me remember this somehow.
All these cherished memories,
showered bliss.

A short lived romance;
A one time chance

Now let me say it once again
with no rules to follow and bend

My love, I love you

P.S Thank You

Slowly

“I’m slowly moving on, but you will never know.You’ll see me smile, you’ll see me laugh, but you’ll never see the pain I have inside.I’m going to kill myself with the thoughts of you; with the sweet gestures you make; with the memories we have until I bleed no more. I’m slowly going to kill what I feel and leave you behind until I’m ready to close the door. Pain will engulf me and I will welcome it with open arms. Sadness will surround me, but I will fake a smile.”

One Minute

 

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I approached you in the subtlest way I can
and asked how you’re doing
told you things that wasn’t what my heart
wanted to say, but we got to talk anyway
I stayed for less than a minute
But that minute brought a smile to my face
My once lover, now stranger
we’re trying to be friends again
You smiled
I smiled
but deep inside
know that my heart cried
and a part of me lived then died
But I’m happy for you
someday soon
I know
I’ll be okay too

 

I love you, Goodbye

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“Did you even try to think that maybe I’m still hurting; that maybe I still miss you; that maybe I’m just trying to be okay even when I’m not? Did you even? Because you know why I don’t tell you that I’m missing you? Why I don’t tell you that my heart is still aching from loving you?” She cried exasperatedly. “Because what for? It wouldn’t change a thing! You’re not mine and I’m not yours! Saying that I do would just make us live in a facade…a…a mirage of love that doesn’t have solid grounds…spending few hours a day, alone at night wishing we’re together.” She wiped her unshed tears as his vision of him blurred, her heart bursting with pain. “I cannot catch you anymore. I wish I could, but I can’t. You had your chance..and you didn’t grab that…and this time, I can’t anymore. So, I’m sorry, because our time is up and we just have to accept that no matter how much it hurts.”