Blue Rose

 

He’s handsome, but not my type;
he fed me compliments,
and made me smile.
We became friends and suddenly clicked;
shared stories and secrets
that we promised to keep.

It started with a casual hello;
who would think my feelings would grow?
It’s like a blue rose, that I never had,
filled with thorns, pain that shouldn’t have.

Days passed into weeks then to months,
and I knew everything was changing.
I had to do something,
and speed up the ending.

It was a joyful day,
but I had to say goodbye.
Each time I see the band on his finger,
tears prickle my eyes.

It’s not a love that can never be,
because we won’t be getting there.
I will not let myself fall;
there’s no love for us to share.

Today, he made me cry;
and he doesn’t know the real reason why.
It’s my last goodbye,
to kill the feelings inside.

The blue rose wilted,
and so did a part of me;
but I left a seed,to remind me
that I am still the woman I used to be.

 

***pictures are not mine; courtesy of google (pixelstalk.net)

Rodrigo Duterte’s Governance of Davao City: The 5th Safest City in the World (A citizen’s view)

I would like to take this opportunity to be able to share what I know as a citizen of Davao City, Philippines since birth. President Rodrigo Duterte or what most of us refer to as Papa Digong, has been the mayor of our city for as long as I can remember. I was born on the year 1994 and I admit that I have come to care as to who our mayor is  only by the time I reached elementary.

Many have criticized his ways of governing the Philippines since hailed President. Many questioned how he talks and acts on national television and others tried to criticize every little thing he does.

I would not like to talk about anything political (for now) but I’d like to talk about my personal experience living here in our city.

Our city is not perfect; it has its up and downs; numerous criminals and many other negative things, but one thing is for sure, our city is SAFE. It isn’t safe  just because people are vigilant (although that helps), but because we Davaoeños  have been trained to follow the rules set by our beloved Mayor (now President). Many have questioned the years he governed our city, often calling it as monarchy, but it isn’t what others think. He was there because we asked him to.

He set rules not because he wants to, but for the welfare of his family. By family, it means US, his people.

dut-d

One of the many things I am thankful for is the 10 p.m curfew for late-night karaoke sessions. No one is allowed to sing past this time in order for the people to have a peaceful sleep. Isn’t that great? We don’t have to go to work the next morning with puffy eyes because of our next neighbor singing their hearts out with Celine Dion’s song My heart will go on or Frank Sinatra’s infamous song My Way.

Next is the 2 a.m liquor ban (only for commercial establishments or bars). Customers may order their desired liquors up until 1 p.m but must consume before 2. Men in uniform will start roaming around the bar ensuring this is strictly followed. TRUST ME! Being quite the day type of girl, if my heart has its own set of legs, it would’ve probably left my chest in a heartbeat seeing them roaming around the bar we are in. I was with my boyfriend and it was the first time I got to experience it. (Just this year despite it being implemented for a long time already) It was then that I’ve come to further admire Papa Digong’s authority over his men and the respect they have for him. I can say that it’s not just because they fear him, but because they respect HIM. ( I do too! Hands down!)

Another one is the smoking ban. For someone who has asthma and quite a delicate immune system, you don’t how much I am elated when this was implemented. I’ve recently read that the ordinance has been formally signed, but I am quite sure that this has been strictly followed in our city for years now. You won’t see anyone smoking in the streets (unless they’re within their personal vicinity) nor do you see drivers smoking even when the traffic light turns red.

Lastly, what I admire most is President Rodrigo Duterte himself. I do not know him personally, but his love for our city is well known and felt. Being a mere and regular citizen, I have felt it. We do not care if he curses nor threatens people on national television because that is his way of expressing his emotions. He has his ways, with which we are thankful.

When you visit our city, you do not have to worry walking around mid-morning, afraid someone might try to kill you, steal your things or if someone grabs and rapes you. Our city is a peaceful place. Albeit, crimes are not inevitable, compared to others, our home is a better place to live in.

Once again, this is coming from a regular citizen, from my own and other people’s experiences. It’s just sad that other people sees him as a bad person focusing on his “mistakes” but did not try to observe the changes and the peace he gave to our city. Nevertheless, we are thankful to those who gives him support, for those foreigners who can see him as a good leader, because we feel the same way.

**Photos are not mine; courtesy of searching images from Google.

How do you do it?
How do you manage to smile despite all the pain you feel inside?
How do you pay your dues, buy what your family wants needs and still end up smiling with nothing but a single bill left for yourself?

You want to cry, don’t you?
Why don’t you do so?
Are the tears too stubborn to fall or
are you the stubborn one?

Why don’t you tell them you’re hurting?
Why do you always pretend that you’re okay?
Why don’t you say, for once, that you’re tired?
Why do you always try to find a way and be a hero?

Because you love them.
Don’t you love yourself?
Of course you do, but you love them more, don’t you?

Why are your eyes watery?
Why is the screen getting blurry?
Why is your heart so tight?
Why is it so bruised inside?

You want to send yourself to school, but you can’t because you prioritize them first.
You want to buy lots of clothes, but dues hinders you from doing such.
You want to buy a new bag every 3months and not just once or twice a year, but you can’t because your brother’s tuition is more important.
You want to say you don’t want to help anymore, but you end up finding ways  to solve their problems.

Will you be okay?
You have to let those tears fall you know.
Not doing such will kill you.
Slowly.
Painfully.

Let it fall.

Feel the tears as it run down your cheek.
Keep crying and do not stop.

Cry until your eyes are sore;
Cry until the pain bursts free;
Cry until you’re okay,
Because someday you’ll be okay.

One day, I know, I’ll be okay.

Is it so difficult to simply believe?

I am working as part of a management on one of the big research companies around the globe. Every week, newly batch of trainees would be endorsed in our team. Years passed by and I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to any of our colleagues about my thoughts about random things.

Finally, I was able to do so. One is a Philosophy teacher and the other one is a Theologian.

The Theologian, let’s call him by the name Randall, called my attention whilst I was checking to see their work. He said, “What you posted online about love caught my attention because it wasn’t how people at your age usually perceives things.” It was then that we started to talk and we came up to the topic about Jesus.

I opened up to him that I know someone who is Agnostic. She knew that He existed, but she believes that what happens to us isn’t because He’s controlling it; rather, because of our own doing. She has too many questions. Questions typically asked by others such as, “Who made Him?” or  “Does He really exist?” I was then reminded of the book, Da Vinci Code. I am not religious, but I am spiritual. My faith in Him is something of which I am proud of. The book was nice, but then, I wasn’t able to finish it nor do I have any plans to.

Why? Because I don’t understand why people make a big deal of him falling in love with a woman which resulted to them having a child. If He was born into this world as a man, then falling in love isn’t much of a big deal, is it? He has all the right to love and to be distressed. Does Him being the son of God disable him from having that right? Whether he did or did not, I do not care. He loved us with all his heart; saved us from our sins, feeling every lash of pain from those barbarians and yet people make a big deal of something that isn’t even a quarter of his sacrifices for us.

Questions result to further questions. Some said I should try “studying” the bible. Why? What for? To raise further questions? I am happy with what I am knowledgeable of. I am happy knowing that I know some of his teachings because of the scriptures being read to us every Sunday. I am happy knowing my love for him is as strong as a bamboo swaying, but never breaking. I am happy to know that He knows I love Him.

If there are things that was removed from the Bible, then so be it.

Maybe there are reasons for it.

Maybe there are reasons why it was forcefully removed or hidden.

Maybe, now’s not the time for us to know.

Life is a series of days that consists of inconsistency. 

There’s nothing permanent in this world. No one could give a direct answer to something; not even scientists or the smartest people in the world, because there will always be what if’s; there will always be How’s, why’s and what’s.

Is it so difficult to simply believe?

Time heals all wounds

Time heals all wounds, but wounds leave a scar.
Not for us to be reminded of the pain, but how we managed to live after that.

When life hits you hard, stand up.
When your heart is broken, put it back.

Nothing’s easy in this world.
If we keep on thinking we can’t, then you never will.

Morning Thoughts #1 (7.9.17)

Everyone has their own struggles in life. Each person, either made by fault or done to spite them. However, I strongly believe that there’s a reason for everything. You may not know it now, but there will be soon.

If you’re having financial issues and you managed to live day by day, slowly surviving and never letting it get the best of you, maybe this is some sort of training God wanted you to go through in order to be wise in money handling or he wants you to learn the hardship of earning one and wants you to learn how not to overspend.

If you feel like everyone’s counting on you, with each responsibility starting to become a heavy stone on your back, it may be for you to learn how to handle your own family with ease.

I honestly don’t know when I started being like this. It’s not that I always see the good in things; I cry, but I always think of every problem as my training ground. Maybe, God gave me these problems to see if I could handle it ,or maybe, more problems will arise soon and he wanted me to feel that I survived then, why can’t I now?

Surviving life is a matter of perspective.
If you let your demons bring you down, you won’t get anywhere. Life is difficult and that’s a given. You just have to do something to get past it.

Being the Eldest

Being the eldest sibling is no tough job.
You carry the task of taking care of your family in times of trouble and tends to end up caring less for yourself.

This link might help you understand:

http://www.parents.com/baby/development/social/birth-order-and-personality/

People often ask how difficult is it to be one.
To be honest? It’s really not that difficult. Why? Because eldest siblings are innately caring and sacrificial.
They do not count their favors; they just give and give.

Let’s not be hypocrites.
Anger shows the beast side of anyone, which is why, while reading this, a part of your brain is starting to mock and say, “Well, Andrew isn’t like that.” But have you noticed?
No matter how much you argue or fight, when trouble comes, your eldest sibling is the first one you go to and is the first one who helps.

It’s because despite everything, they love you.
It’s not just because it’s their responsibility, but because they’ve been molded to be mature, woman or man enough to fight against the rigor of a storm.

I, for one, is theeldest sibling of the family.
Whenever I give and spend thousands of money to my family, I don’t feel any regrets of doing so. People would ask, how come I don’t get tired?
Of course, I get tired. Who doesn’t?
But if I can do something to help, why won’t I, right?
However, it hurts…when you have to give the money that was allotted for your NEEDS.
Such an irony how I was able to pay for my brother’s tuition fee of 30k, but wasn’t able to pay mine which was only half of his.

God has a reason for everything and I strongly believe that.
Maybe someday, I’ll understand how come I went through so many hardships in my life, being the aforementioned only a quarter of it. Despite everything, God has never left my side. Faith is the greatest armor that I have against the obscurity of life.

Love your elder siblings no matter how nagging they may be at times, because when you try to look back and forget all the animosity you have for each other, it’s them who backed you up.

Homeless people on the streets

A friend told me that she once helped a child and gave him money. Months later, that child came up to her and thanked her. The kid said, “Do you remember me? I was the one you gave P100 to ($2.00 of converted) I just want to thank you because my brother and I didn’t have food for 3 days and he was sick at that time. I used the money to buy a pack of candies in order to sell it and have more money for us to buy something to eat. I also bought a medicine for my brother.”

See? Not all kids nor people on the streets are syndicates that merely wants money in order to make themselves rich. So what if they are? Would it hurt to give a farthing of what you have in your purse? If you really do not want to give money, then go to a bakery or any store nearby, bring that kid and buy him/her food.

It hurts to think that out of all the hundreds of people passing them, they couldn’t buy food to feed themselves. Will a farthing out of your pocket bankrupt you? No… it won’t.

It’s so sad that people refuses to give money or food to them, but gives money to organizations.
Those organizations may be helping, but think about it, others are helping them too.
Why not help the one who personally approached you? You don’t know what effect it could do to them.
What may seem little to you may be everything to them.

Understanding a Woman

Women are innately gullible.
Despite going through millions of heartbreaks, they still fall easily. Being handsome is a plus, but humor, kindness and sweet gestures traps them the most.
Some would pretend and lie to themselves that they haven’t fallen yet, whereas some would eat the cheese and be caught.

For those who got hurt, they often put a protective wall around themselves, but every sweet gesture from a man puts a crack in it. They try to disregard the fluttering of their heart by faking disinterest which takes one heck of an effort to do so.

Whilst in the process of trying to tell themselves to stay away, another part of their brain tells them to try once again. The series of what if’s drives them to the point of trying despite seeing a warning signal from the man.

This is why they have to be taken cared of.
When a woman returns your feelings, they give you a part of their heart. It may not be whole at first, but it will in the long run. It’s your job to treat it with outmost care and not let her protective wall get the best of her.

When a woman is in too much pain, she numbs it away by being silent. It’s her way of telling you she’s hurt that even talking about it kills her. A woman, when hurt deeply, does not nag and inform you what you’ve done. They think it’s something you have to know and feel , and when you do not do something about it, day by day, her protective wall strengthens and she leaves.

She’ll leave to protect herself once more, but a part of her wishes for you to contact her and declare apology and love. If you don’t, she’ll get hurt enough to cry one last time and finally let’s you go.

She’d strengthen her protective wall until another man cracks it one more time.

A woman will never learn no matter how many times they get hurt.
Some may be able to stay single for years, but it doesn’t mean they’ve never fell. No man was just strong enough to break the barrier of pain she protected herself from.